One of the earliest lessons we learn in life is that in order to move forward, we have to move through the change and the natural process of things. This pace we set for ourselves is set by ourselves. Our internal instincts and faith determine where we land, where we feel safe, but not necessarily where we need to grow. So life offers us the gift of change. A baby learns quickly that it’s frustrating to sit and look at a toy from afar. So the baby adapts and moves through the cumbersome process of crawling, of learning, of getting frustrated when things just don’t seem to be moving forward. And then one day, that baby finds the toy and feels such elation in the accomplishment, but the real celebration in the process was the process itself. The baby then uses those tools learned, the tenacious mind set, the physical pressing-on instinct to then master walking. So in this way, we learn change early and we learn often, especially when we’re young. We learn that friends change from middle school to high school. We learn that our bodies change, we learn that teachers change, and we learn in the younger years that our likes and dislikes change so often because we are immersed in the process of physical and mental development.
And then we become adults and we block ourselves off to the natural order of change. The changes aren’t as simple looking as they were when we were younger, but instead th
ey are more complicated, but they are certainly there. When I had my second baby, I didn’t find out the sex. I was convinced that my baby was a boy and that my then three year old would have a baby brother. I was confidant to the point that I purchased a soft blue blanket at Target. I had the name picked out, I had the previous newborn clothes from my older son place neatly in the drawer. My husband and I did talk about a girl name a few days before the birth, but it was hard, and we weren’t really invested in anything. But we picked one anyway because that’s what responsible expectant parents do. Our envisioned second child would have been named “Noah John”. And then just like that, a change occurred. Mollygrace Rose was born on November 30th, 2006. Her first name is two parts because we couldn’t decide between Molly and Grace so we smooshed it all together! To this day her name reflects one of the most exciting and unexpected changes of my life. I became a mother to a DAUGHTER and she has the name to prove it. Her birth was the most beautiful and natural experience of all of my children. When the sound of her confident and healthy cry filled the room, the nurse cried out “its a girl!” I was overcome with joy and panic all in one single breath. A girl? I don’t know how to do girl? I despise the color pink, Disney princesses are simply a problem, and I don’t w
ant to take her to dance classes or deal with shoes. What will happen when she has her first heartbreak? I can’t handle that conversation because I remember the pain of my own and the look in my mother’s eyes when she couldn’t fix it. How can God entrust me with the more emotionally fragile sex when every other day I felt like I embodied the definition of “emotional” in Webster’s Dictionary. The blind leading the blind! Over the course of probably 45 second
s, I spiraled a bit internally. And then the nurse handed her to me. That moment, eyes locked, dark hair poking in all directions which would later match her personality…I ever so quickly embraced that change with every fiber of my being. Boy? What boy? This was a big change, a sudden one, but the absolute most right one in every possible way. My Mollygrace is my firecracker. She has a power in her that runs fierce and strong, and at the same time she’s incredibly loving and beautiful. She teaches me daily how to be a better mom, she steps in when I can’t, s
he accepts change naturally any chance she can get. She’s always up for anything and embraces her role as “oldest girl” with strength, a messy room, and a laugh that I”ll never get tired of hearing. So in all my fear of what I thought I could handle and not handle in raising a girl, the moment of change in those fleeting 45 seconds reinforced the true path for my life. I surrendered, not because I had to, but because this was a change that would enrich and multiply ten fold in the outcrop of my oldest girl’s influence.
So change…it’s surprising, it’s hard, it’s often unexpected, but most importantly it’s a natural requirement of life. Its only purpose is to keep pressing you onward. When things or people change, you adapt. You rise up, you lock eyes, and though you might not be able to see a glimmer of hope or light 100 feet in front of you, it doesn’t mean that just around the bend are lakes where light bounces and sun shines and you thank yourself for not being okay with change so eventually you could be. Someone once said to me that life is just chaos and we learn how to adapt, how to keep up pace, and how to look for the best in it all. Change is part chaos and chaos can be beautiful. It’s a messy display of flaws turned into
lessons, and lessons turned into one’s story of her true self.
I trust you will take away two truths from this blog post. Number one: accept that every change will lead to bigger and better things, but you must believe and not wallow in the word itself. Number two:if you haven’t yet had your first child, don’t find out the sex. There aren’t many good surprises in life and that’s one of the best there is!